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Kicking and screaming the whole way... “You can't help him until he wants to help himself. He is not ready to get clean and sober, the court ordered him to come. He is only doing this because he is on probation and is trying to avoid jail. He has no desire to give up drugs. He just wants to slow down on his drinking” — words often spoken about addicts and alcoholics. All this was true about “Will” 16 1/2 years ago. He was ordered to attend a program because of repeat DWI's and had a 2 year suspended prison sentence. “Will” knew that drinking was causing him some grief because of the DWI's, but felt it was just a streak of real bad luck. Marijuana and cocaine had never gotten him into trouble. Sure, he had not worked regularly in years, had no driver's license, no electricity, no hot water, and was being evicted from one of the worst trailer parks in the county. Maybe he drank a little too much but the other drugs had not gotten him arrested — yet. “Will's” parents and entire family had grown tired of his ways and had given up on helping him — again. “Will” felt that in a few months they would come around, just as they always had. They didn't. They even told him they would no longer accept his collect phone calls. He could not visit unless invited and then could not spend the night or take food or money when he left. He was not to be left alone in the house and had to leave when other company left. What an insult! “I really have changed this time,” he protested. “Why are they doing this to me? Can't they see I need help? If I don't pay these fines I will go to prison for 2 years. If I can't get a ride to the DWI program, if I can't do my community service, if I don't pay probation and show up as ordered, if, if, if,” he said. “ Tough ,” they said. “Don't call us collect from prison and don't expect us to visit. We will not send you a penny and don't show up here when you get out.” “Will” was all alone and facing the toughest time he could imagine. Where could he turn for help? The DWI substance abuse counselor told him, “Here is a phone number. Do everything this man says and you will be okay.” The man was an AA member and “Will” went to AA so he could figure out a way to beat this system. He had been forced by the "coldness and shortcomings" of the ones who were supposed to care most, his family. “I won't quit cocaine and weed” he thought. And he didn't quit all drugs until about 3 months later. With daily support group meetings, he learned how to beat the system — surrender to it! Something happened in that few months that changed his life completely. Those “mean” family members had changed their behavior and stuck by it. “Will” had to change. It seemed awfully cruel at the time but the family healed. It was the closest “Will” had been to his family since childhood. His mother died 2 years later, knowing he was sober. Twelve years his father passed away. Before he died, he formed a relationship with a new son. A son who was happy, productive and much smarter. “Will” feels he owes his determination to change his life to his mom and dad. They would no longer put up with his alcoholic/drug addict behavior and did not give in — no matter how much “Will” begged and squirmed. It was the most helpful thing they could do. All the money, rent, food, jobs, etc. only kept him using. “Will” was not ready for sobriety. He didn't want treatment or AA. He came to recovery completely against his will but it eventually caught on and probably saved his life. It definitely kept him out of prison. It doesn't matter how he got there. It is what happened afterward that counts. - A true story Protected material -- do not reprint without written permission |
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